Leadership doesn't have to be lonely

Leadership can be lonely sometimes.

I often hear from leaders that they don't feel like they have anyone at work they can open up to or lean on to share the load they're carrying.

That they see it as their job to shoulder the brunt of the burden or to protect colleagues and team members from the uncertainty, ambiguity, and lack of clarity they themselves are experiencing.

That they have high standards for themselves and are constantly striving to be supportive of and responsive to others' needs (even when feeling anxious and burnt-out themselves).

Can you relate?

While at first glance these sorts of beliefs and behaviors may seem tough, valiant or even generous, zooming out to take a broader view of the outcomes they generate in the long-term helps us see just how imbalanced they are.

There's lots of giving, giving, giving going on, very little receiving.

Now, if someone was to only talk but never listen, wouldn't you find that a bit unbalanced (not to mention annoying, domineering, etc!)?

Wouldn't it seem crazy to think you could stick to inhaling but never exhale your breath?

Why then do we box ourselves into the giving corner, never opening up to receive?

Perhaps a reframe is needed.

What if we recognised that without a balance of receiving, these giving behaviors are not only admirable but isolating? Not only necessary but, on their own, depleting?

What if we recognised that sustainable, high-performance leadership - the ability to show up as our best selves and to form strong relationships with others - is made possible by embracing the polarity of both Giving AND Receiving?

Barry Johnson, author of Polarity Management: Identifying and Managing Unsolvable Problems, writes:

"Polarities are interdependent pairs in which we live and that live in us. They are free energy systems that we can leverage to benefit each of us and all of us. [...]

The research is clear about polarities. Leaders and Organizations that leverage polarities well outperform those that don’t.

Some key leadership polarities include: Clear AND Flexible; Visionary AND Grounded; Self Assured AND Humble; Directive AND Participative; and, Task AND Relationship. [...]

In each case, when leaders and organizations can leverage the inherent tension between the two poles, they will outperform those that treat either pole as a solution to a problem."

You don't have to do it all...on your own...all the time.

Really.